Purpose

Getting Off The Merry-Go-Round of Life

Alarm buzzes. I hit sleep. Five minutes later it goes off again. I hit sleep again, this time with a bit more annoyance. It happens again. And again. About the third or fourth time I give in.

 

Its a new day. 

 

The sun is slowly rising. The room is slowly becoming lighter.

 

My feet touch the cold hard wood floor and I’m up. 

 

First step, first. 

 

Contacts, brush teeth…coffee…

 

That is as far as my thought process goes.

 

Soon I will be in a caffeine fueled rush to get out the door, and another day will begin. Just like the last. And work will be work. Then lunch will come and go, and a few hours later I will be headed home, for another evening of activity or lack thereof, before crashing and doing it all over again.

 

Why do I write this?

 

Because this is the passing of time. 

 

And as we all know, time IS our most valuable resource and something we cannot get back.

 

So what do we do with our limited time?

 

Many of us continue to live in this cycle of day in and day out - with the days circling through like a merry-go-round.

 

Some of us though, notice the spinning - and rather than accept it, try to find a way off the merry-go-round.

 

So what do we want instead?

 

We want our life to be like a path of wonder and beauty. Of exploration. Of endless days. Of new experiences. 

 

Now don’t get me wrong, we’re not avoiding hard work or the “harsh reality” that is life (as many people like to remind us).

 

Rather, we are looking for another way. 

 

We are looking to find that passion that causes us to launch out of bed and be willing to work until the wee hours of the morning without the whisper of a complaint.

 

Sure it will be hard. We will be tired. We will have our incredible highs and lows. But we also know it will be worth it - because we are off the merry-go-round of merely existing.

 

So how do we do this? How do we find this ever elusive thing called a calling?

 

I believe it lies in our ability to be self-aware.

 

Do you know what following your gut instinct feels like? Have you been listening to your instinct - what God has been telling you - or have you been ignoring it? Have you even given yourself a moment to be quiet and truthful with yourself? 

 

Jeff Goins says in his blog

“Your life is a mystery, and your job is to study it. Through prayer, meditation, or simple reflection, we all must become more self-aware. This is the only way we can stop letting life happen to us and become more active participants in it.”

 

When we ignore that ‘gut feeling’ - and many of us do - it can be painful when we finally do stop and listen, because it often tells us things we don’t want to hear or things we have been ignoring.

 

However, when we are in line with our intuition there is no greater feeling.

 

It doesn’t mean that things are perfect. 

 

From personal experience, there have been moments when I knew that something was off - even moments when I knew exactly what the problem was.

 

Sometimes it was my fault and I continued to ignore the nagging feeling until it came bursting to the surface. 

 

Other times it has been more subtle. I knew what was wrong but couldn’t change it right away. So rather than ignore the feeling, I recognized it and started the long process of making a change, even if it wasn’t immediate.

 

This ability to be self-aware and to pray gives us the sense to know when something is right or wrong for us - even when the rest of the world disagrees.

 

It gives us the insight to turn down that job offer despite what everyone is saying. 

 

It gives us the confidence to return to school and this time study fine art because you just know that that is what you are supposed to be doing.

 

It gives us the ability to make the decision to uproot a life that looks amazing to the outsider and choose instead to live in a rural village without basic necessities and work with an organization like the Peace Corps or Doctors Without Borders because it makes your soul come alive.

 

It means we have a sense of what we should be doing.

 

It means we have the ability to write our own story.

 

I believe we all have this ability hidden deep within us and God gives each of us purpose. We just need to spend the time to uncover it.

 

We all know when something feels right or when it feels wrong - even when it is the opposite of what others tell us.

 

Unfortunately distractions today are easier to come by than ever, so it is increasingly easy to ignore our own gut instinct.

 

I sometimes wonder what would happen to American society if everyone was forced away from their chosen distractions…

 

Would people become more aware? Would there be a sudden shift towards increased consciousness? Would we find more people challenging the status quo for something better? Something different?

 

If we all have the voice of God guiding us throughout our lives, then it just becomes a matter of whether or not we are listening.

 

If we ignore it, life can still be good. We can live in a great place, have a family, learn a skill, become a master in that skill and become “successful”. But will our souls be satisfied?

 

If we listen, we could end up anywhere doing anything and it may not be the “stable” normal life that has become the norm in our world or it may be just that. But if my soul is satisfied and I know I have followed Gods path for my life - that will make it worth it, 100 times over.

 

So today, give yourself a few minutes without distractions and pray or meditate silently. Allow your inner voice to speak. See what it tells you. And rather than ignore it, start to listen and take what you hear into consideration.

 

Are you listening?

Not This

I sat at my cold glass dining table under the glaring white lights, long into the cold of the night, writing a list of pros and cons with trembling hands. Earlier in the evening I had spent time debating with myself, praying to (more like screaming at) God, speaking with my roommate and crying endlessly. 

 

I was torn to pieces. 

 

I had thought - only a year and a half earlier - that I had found the perfect job.

 

Boy was I wrong.

 

As Elizabeth Gilbert says,

"Most of us, at some point in our lives (unless we have done everything perfectly...which is: nobody) will have to face a terrible moment in which we realize that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place — or at least, in a very bad place."

 

How many of us have ended up in this "bad place"? Face down. Exhausted. At the bottom. Feeling like you just HAVE to make a change. There is no more waiting.

 

Well I certainly did in 2014.

 

Not only did my situation end up less than ideal, it had turned toxic. 

 

It frankly wasn’t good for me: emotionally, physically (stress) or spiritually. 

 

Did I have any idea what I was going to do next? 

 

No.

 

Did I have a Plan B? 

 

No.

 

Did I have any idea how this decision would alter the future?

 

No.

 

But did I know I had to leave?

 

Absolutely.

 

It was a deep, gut wrenching sense of 

 

NOT THIS.

 

My heart, mind, body, soul - every part of me was screaming 

 

NOT THIS.

 

I had to get out. 

 

So I did.

 

By the end of that evening - before I even went to bed - I had a resignation letter drafted and ready to go for the morning. 

 

And I felt peace.

 

Yes I was terrified. I had no idea what I was going to do. And I absolutely did not want to leave my home - Cape Town, South Africa prematurely.

 

I was risking my entire life. The life I had spent so much time, heart and soul building. This decision could destroy it all in a moment.

 

Regardless of that, I knew the decision had to be made.

 

I had already waited too long. I had had that unmistakable sinking feeling after only a few months and had decided to hang on even as everything started slipping out of control.

 

I knew that even with the terrifying prospect of not knowing what was next, or how this decision would change things - that staying in my home would become increasingly difficult without a miracle - I absolutely had to listen to that gut feeling screaming, NOT THIS - because anything was better than where I found myself.

 

So when the moment came, I handed over my resignation letter without regret.

 

I knew I had done the right thing. And only relief swept over me as I walked away that day. 

 

Since I was at the bottom, I also knew, I could only improve.

 

Recently, my good friend, fellow blogger and awesome podcaster, Bryan Teare, creator of the Quarter Life Comeback, reminded me of a challenging post written by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert titled, Not This .

 

It struck a chord the first time I read it. And once again it is having the same effect all over again.

 

In the post she writes about the terrifying moments in life when you realize - NOT THIS.

 

When you find yourself on the floor emotionally or physically with the realization that something has to change. Must change. 

 

That you have to leave the job, end the toxic relationship, admit yourself into rehab, leave a community that is slowly poisoning you or walk away from a belief that once defined you but no longer does anymore.

 

That no matter what you do next, it’s NOT THIS.

 

In Elizabeths own words,

"If you keep ignoring the voices within you that say NOT THIS, just because you don't know what to do, instead...you may end up stuck in NOT THIS forever.
You don't need to know where you are going to admit that where you are standing right now is wrong.
The bravest thing to say can be these two words.
What comes next?
I don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows. It might be worse. It might be better. But whatever it is...? It's NOT THIS."

 

So are you getting the feeling that something needs to change? Are you in the middle of your personal NOT THIS moment right now? Have you ever experienced this in the past? If so, please tell me your stories if you feel comfortable below - I would love to hear about how you got to this point and made the change to get out.

 

Stuck.

I strongly dislike the word stuck

 

As an extremely independent individual, stuck brings up many negative connotations.

 

The word itself has a number of definitions - but the ones most fitting for my dislike are the informal definitions, including:

  1. Unable to progress with a task or find the answer or solution to something.
  2. Be or remain in a specified place or situation, typically one perceived as tedious or unpleasant.
  3. Be at a loss for or in need of.
  4. Unable to get rid of or escape from.

 

So, why do I dislike this word so much?

 

Well because feeling stuck brings me to a place of desperation, of need. It creates a strong gut reaction to get out. To get away. A deep sense of needing something to change - of a lack of balance. 

 

And to be stuck is one of my biggest fears.

 

Stuck is what happens when you give up. 

 

Stuck is what happens when you find yourself dwelling on a decision for hours on end twirling the thoughts around and around and around in your head endlessly with no coming solution.

 

Stuck is when you find yourself wasting time online - on social media - or any other diversion in order to distract yourself from that pressing feeling of something needing to be done now - but due to whatever reasons you just can’t do it right now.

 

I do believe everyone knows what I am talking about - but there are some of us who are more sensitive to it than others. 

 

And sadly, I believe there are even more people in the world who have desensitized themselves to this feeling or have reasoned their way out of it.

 

Settling is the friend of stuck. I’ve talked to far too many individuals who have settled into a lifestyle they hate - for whatever reason. Or friends who two years ago felt stuck in their current job, city, friend group, relationship, etc… who have just decided it is “the way it is” and are no longer fighting for a change. 

 

Seeing this drives me crazy. And it drives me to the edge of delirium when I find myself in the same situation.

 

I always need to be moving towards something more. Towards a goal. To a greater experience. To a greater world. To a better me.

 

Stuck is a feeling I have been fleeing from for most of my adult life. From the time I was 18 and off to college I have tried with all my might to create a lifestyle free of being stuck. From designing my own major in college, to working overseas for 2.5 years because I fell in love with Cape Town, South Africa when studying abroad there, to resigning from a job and drifting between volunteer positions until I found a dream gig in tourism, to moving myself back to the United States and back to Santa Barbara - a city I love - with few connections and no job - I have managed to keep moving and keep the fear of being stuck at bay.

 

However, as I move into a different season of life with a stable job and a home to call my own, it is difficult to not fear getting stuck here. 

 

But there is one aspect I’ve been missing all along.

 

You see, being stuck isn’t connected only to our physical location or the people we know - rather it is intertwined to our emotional state of being. 

 

This means that you can be in a corporate office job and feel stuck OR you can feel alive and like you are working in a position aligned with your purpose.

 

It all comes down to your perspective and goals.

 

Personally, this means that even though I find myself in a standard office job, it doesn’t mean I’m stuck

 

Instead,with the right perspective, this job allows me to live in one of the best cities in the country and find a community of people who enjoy a lifestyle similar to what I aspire to have myself.

 

It means I have a steady income while I write this blog and turn this, or other ventures, into side gigs - that may eventually become something bigger.

 

It means I have a place to learn new skills and test my abilities with upcoming tasks and new initiatives within the company.

 

It means I have a community of coworkers to interact with everyday.

 

Yes, I still struggle with a sense of being tied down at times, especially post working in tourism where travel was the norm.

 

However, I know this is a season. And seasons are good.

 

So whenever you find yourself stuck, reevaluate whether this job, city, friend group, relationship or whatever else, helps bring you a step closer to your goals. 

 

If not, let them go. 

 

But if they do, then give yourself the task of finding a way to bring meaning and perspective to that area of your life because ultimately it’s the only way to get unstuck.

 

 

Are you feeling stuck? If so let me know why and what is standing in your way in the comments below.