Change.

Why is change something that causes us so much distress? Why does it cause me so much distress?

I’ve moved countless times. Switched schools. Switched social scenes. Switched countries. Switched cultures.

And yet, I still find change hard.

Why is this?

I think it is because we are each hardwired to want to stay in our comfort zones. That we don’t want to do anything that may mess up how good we already have it. Even when we know we have no choice but to change.

I find it strange that we can find ourselves in situations, like transition, where change is unavoidable. Yet, we still find it hard to make changes about ourselves.

Consider this.

I am home in Rhode Island after moving back to the US from South Africa. I am job hunting. I am searching for a place to call my own “home”.

Obviously there is plenty of change happening.

Yet, when I look at jobs I find myself looking at the same exact roles over and over again. Doing things that I already know don’t give me life. Yet I keep doing it.

Why?

Because I’m afraid. Because I’m afraid of the unknown.

I’m afraid of doing something different than what my resume says I “should” be doing. Of breaking the rules. Of wanting to do things my way. Of not having a stable job with benefits when I soon turn 26.

Fear is something very real and very scary and it blocks me from diving into new territory head first.

Yet...

When I find the courage to break through that barrier into something new I find freedom and joy and excitement.

It turns out that fear is just that ugly brick wall we put up to keep ourselves safe and comfortable, yet right on the other side is the green pasture of opportunity and dreams.

So this is one of my resolutions for the year 2016. Break through the fear. Don’t be afraid of what other people say. Make mistakes. Shake stuff up and reorganize until I can feel with my gut and soul that I am on the right path and I plan to do just that.

So ask yourself...What fear can you address today that is holding you back?

Why is this so SCARY?

Why do I keep procrastinating?

These were the questions circulating in my head over the past few weeks and I couldn't figure out how to answer them.

Following these questions would inevitably be something along the lines of:

Well, you will be good enough to start this when ___________ . Right now you're just not good enough/smart enough/etc... at ____________ .

Well it's now almost the end of 2015 and I am finally about to hit GO on a project I started drafting back in August. Why it has taken this long is something I don't like to think about too much because it means I still struggle with being "good enough".

So what changed?

Well, first, I no longer have an excuse. I can't put it off due to other pressing needs. Due to life circumstances I currently find myself in the (nearly) perfect position to get this thing started.

For this I feel thankful. Yet I also know I could have started this a lot sooner. And who knows where it may have been by now.

As Earl Nightingale said in this famous quote,

“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.”

The time did pass and I find myself at a point where the internal pressure to get this dream started is about to POP.

So HERE I AM.

So as Sheryl Sandberg famously said in the book Lean In (by the way one of the best books I've ever read and would strongly recommend),

“What would you do if you weren't afraid?”

Well Sheryl, this is what I would do if I weren't afraid and I am about to start despite me fears.

I'm choosing to GO and I'm glad to have you here with me.