How Do You Clear You Head?

We all know the feeling.

You lie in bed, slowly awakening, open your eyes, and either the sunlight or the alarm clock is glowing too brightly. As soon as your mind wakes up, BOOM the clutter of life hits you. 

Random to-do list items, things to tell people, messages you need to send, oh yea, and don't forget to brush your teeth this morning. Things that have been in the back of your mind for days - all hit you at once. And you suddenly find yourself staring into the deep abyss of a cluttered mind.

I know for me this absolutely ruins my day. I'm scatterbrained. Tired. Unable to focus on any one thing. As soon as I start one task, another interrupts and on goes my day.

Unless....

Unless I actively choose one of my "clear my head" activities.

What are these?

These are the activities you consciously choose to do when your brain feels like a cluttered back closet, to refocus and clear your mind, so you can tackle the many things life throws at you.

Why do I say consciously?

I say consciously because many times when you are overwhelmed, stressed and tired you feel like your 'clear my head' activity is the absolutely last thing you should be doing because you have so many other things to be focusing on instead.

However, if you understand yourself well enough, you know that this activity will only make things better and not worse.

So why am I writing about this now?

Because this happened to me today.

I went to sleep last night with plans for a wonderfully productive day. Then when I awoke everything started going wrong and within an hour I froze up due to feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed.

I let myself stay in this state up until lunch. But after lunch I knew what I had to do. 

It pushed against everything I was feeling. It didn't seem important enough. Yet I have learned from experience that when I just can't do life anymore my coping mechanism is RUNNING.

Yes running. For some reason whether I have a good run or not (and trust me the one I just returned from was NOT a good run - going, stopping, distracted, etc...) it still helps me to clear my head, focus and when I return, get down to the grind.

Which is why I find myself writing this post now. All in 15 minutes.

I want to encourage each of you to figure out what it is you need in order to clear your head.

You may find you have multiple activities that clear your head and thats great! For me its getting outside and exercise.

Ultimately its important to understand this so when we experience a cluttered day like the one I just described we have a coping mechanism.

So as I asked above, how do you clear your head?

And - if you've figured out some amazing trick or even normal mundane method please add it to the comments below. I would love to see what others are up too and you never know - it may even give a few of us some ideas.

“The good life is built with good relationships.”

Last night I came across a TEDTalk by Robert Waldinger, the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, titled “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness”.

It turns out The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that’s ever been run. They tracked the lives of 724 men, for 75 years, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health and more. About 60 of the original 724 men are still alive and participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. 

What did they find?

It turns out the lessons weren’t about wealth, fame or working harder. As Mr. Waldinger said, 

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” 

Social connections are literally good for our health and on the flip side, loneliness, is toxic.

Yes we may be eating well and exercising all the time but if we are lonely and isolated we are at more of a risk than someone who has quality relationships.

“...when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn’t their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.”

It turns out quality warm relationships are protective of our health. 

And as Waldinger mentioned in his talk, “the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they’re lonely.”

This is a tragedy. 

While we focus on the latest diet trends and foods for healthy living and longevity it seems the one vital aspect of our health goes largely ignored. And that is the aspect of healthy relationships and the absence of loneliness. 

So what can we do about this? What can we do today?

Well first we need to focus on the self. Look at ourselves. Look at our behaviors.

When you’re with other people are you engaged? I mean truly engaged. Or are you constantly checking your phone for the latest message?

I know I’m guilty of the one above, especially when I’m with my own family and I even know it drives me nuts when friends do the same thing. So my first step is remaining aware of this behavior and every time I catch myself reaching for the phone or tablet, instead I will consciously put it down and say no until I am alone and am not losing precious time with those I love.

Second, we need to think about others. 

Who do we know needs to get out more?

We could be thinking about our very introverted friend who has confided that they feel left out. Or we could consider the new mom who is suddenly separate of regular social interactions due to friends not knowing when they can reach out. Or what about the new person at church or at work who you know just moved here? Maybe invite them to join you and your friends at dinner. You never know what could unfold.

All I’m saying is you never know what impact you may have just by reaching out. You may unknowingly reach that 1 person in 5 in America who feels lonely. Maybe you can be part of changing that statistic. 

Ultimately, whether or not a friendship entails, it helps you since you will feel more connected to the community.

So to conclude I would like to ask, should we be “leaning in” (to steal Sheryl Sandbergs’ term) to work? Or should we instead lean into relationships with family, community and friends?

I would argue the latter.

Watch the full TEDTalk Here.

Goals vs. Dreams

This morning I stumbled across this quote,

“Goals are dreams with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill

It’s true, hey?

For some reason this particular quote took me off guard. Something about it struck a chord. 

It could be because I am in the midst of transition with a never-ending to do list that I have finally decided to tackle with all of my ability.

It could also be because I spent the time in the Rituals for Living Dreambook I mentioned in my previous post and experienced the difference between the two firsthand.

The book asks you to outline your dreams for the next 1 year, 3 years, 10 years and lifetime. Then slowly once those are defined it is a matter of choosing the top three dreams, breaking them down into steps and setting dates for completion on these steps. Guided processing then helps break it down even further into very simple actionable steps. Suddenly you find you've made your dreams, goals.

From a lofty dream to actionable steps you can take tomorrow. 

That is the process of making your dreams a reality.

This whole process is actually quite simple yet we often find ourselves drifting when it comes to our dreams. 

Instead of doing the work to break them down, we figure that one day we will just wake up and things will be different. That once we have the time we can focus on “the dream”. Or that once a certain condition, like losing the weight or being married or living in a certain place is met, we will ONLY THEN make the change. Yet, in our ever crazy and digitally consuming lives we rarely find that time and instead use our “conditions” as an excuse as to why we have not made any steps towards our goal. 

Rather we need to wake up from this idea of perfect conditions. 

Ultimately, there will never be a perfect time. We all know this. We just need to recognize it.

I remember when I had this realization. It was 2012, right out of college and I found myself in that uncertain time in between the life of a student and a professional. I knew how to be a student and achieve in the academic world. However, when it came to personal dreams I had the notion that one day I would just figure it out and the timing would be right. However, that time never came.

Instead, I found myself at a point of frustration where I knew I just had to start. In this particular case it was my weight and fitness that was driving me nuts. I had never successfully dieted and was never much of an athlete. So the day I decided to lace up my shoes and go outside was a big one. But I did it. And I did it everyday. At the same time I changed my diet and focused on core healthy foods. Within a few weeks there was a visible difference and I was amazed. This was the point when I realized how everyday steps allow you to achieve your dreams.

So whether you want to write a book, start a business, lose weight, travel the world or really anything else you can think of - start now. Break down those dreams into steps. Break down those steps into more steps. Set dates on each step. Break it down until it is possible to take that first step, and then the next one. 

Start tomorrow and begin your journey of making your dreams a reality.