“What if I rushed towards the pain of the world instead of turning away from it?”

Glennon Doyle Melton

Recently another heartbreaking image and news story flashed across the screens of millions.

I will be honest. Rather than click the link to watch the full video or view the image gallery, I chose to ignore it. I didn’t want the negativity. I felt as though there was already too much to deal with in my life as it was.

You know what?

I was wrong.

As Glennon Doyle Melton says in a beautifully written blog post,

“…let us not say: I can’t look at this. It’s just too much. That is not true. It is not too much for us. It is too much to be them, but it is not too much to look at them. Please look and remember that if that was our little girl (and it is) we would want good-hearted people to draw close and help - not to look away. We will not look away. We will not protect our own hearts: we will work to protect our human family.”

I was wrong to quickly scroll past the image and hope that I didn’t see anymore. I was wrong to ignore the plight of another human being. To choose not to feel.

I know why I quickly scanned past the story. I was afraid of my reaction. I knew what it was going to be.

Without a fault, every time I see an image of a child in pain, injured, in tears, separated from their families, alone or with that numb look on their faces that they have seen and experienced far more than anyone ever should, my heart breaks. I break down. Tears run down my face as I sit in the comfort of my home with the feeling of helplessness lingering on into the day.

What can I, a young woman in Southern California, thousands of miles from the crisis really do? What difference will giving a small amount of money really make? How can I reach out and comfort those children whose tears flash across our newsfeeds?

I feel helpless. I really do. And I think a lot of other people can relate.

So today when I clicked to listen to Glennon’s interview on MarieTV I was shocked to hear her talk about hitting rock bottom and running into our pain headfirst. That pain and heartbreak is part of the beauty of living. That it is something to both lean into, process and run towards - rather than away from. And then to top it off she spoke of The Compassion Collective that focuses specifically on the plight of refugee children and homeless youth in the US. It was as if she were speaking directly to my heart. And then she said this,

“What if heartbreak, what breaks my heart, is not something to be numbed or avoided. What if what breaks my heart is a message to me, is a wake up, a shining arrow that is pointing me directly towards my purpose?”

And I broke.

In the moment after she spoke those words, I broke. The tears returned and I just knew. I just knew I had to do something. So I started writing. I may not know exactly how to tackle this challenge but I do know that I enjoy writing and I have this platform. So I am using it. I am using it today. I am using it to reach out to you - friends and family as well as others I do not know. Because all I know, all I understand as of this moment, is that I have found my heartbreak and I must do something.

So I’ve challenged myself, what if I do choose to rush towards the pain of the world, rather than run away? What change can I truly make? What will happen?

At this point it is hard to know, but I am willing to heed the call and start. So here it is. Here is the first step. And at this moment, at least I know I’m doing something. I’m heartbroken yes, but I no longer feel helpless and that is a vast improvement in itself.

So join me.

Choose to find your heartbreak. To allow yourself to turn towards the things that break your heart. Choose to feel the pain and share with others. To not be afraid to talk about it. To process it. To pray about it. To use your gifts, whatever they may be, to tackle it in the ways only you can. Because you matter. They matter. The world matters. And it is only when each of us steps into our purpose and heartbreak that the world will change for the better.

So choose pain. Choose joy. And choose action.

The sand squished between my toes as I stood on the beach staring out into the water. It was Sunday and I was waiting for some friends who were planning to play a few games of beach volleyball. As I stood there, all I could think was, ‘wow I can’t believe I’m actually here’.

Two weeks ago I made the move from the frozen shores of Rhode Island to the warmth of Santa Barbara, California. I have managed so far to find an amazing home, a bike for transportation and am both reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones.

Life is pretty great.

However, since I am still on the lookout for steady income - otherwise known as a job - I have found myself constantly asking - What do I want?

I've found that being in the midst of the job hunt makes me imagine what my life might look like if I got any particular position - especially when I'm asked for an interview.

So far I have imagined myself as a barista, executive assistant, wine tasting room manager, fundraiser and marketing assistant.

All of these roles interested me for one reason or another, yet all of them lead to dramatically different results in terms of lifestyle and the kind of stress I would deal with on a daily basis.

Sometimes it feels like I am having an identity crisis.

So when I came across a brilliant post written by Mark Manson suggesting that I was asking myself the wrong question, I decided to give it a read.

More than that, after reading it through once, I decided to actually sit down with pen and paper and ask myself the hard questions.

In the post he suggests that asking ‘What do I want out of life?’ is the wrong question.

Instead, he suggests asking:

1. What pain do I want in my life?

2. What am I willing to struggle for?

These are far from easy questions to answer. For a while I didn’t know how to answer them.

However, after spending some time dwelling on the implications of these questions this is what I came up with.

I am willing to struggle for love.

This was the easiest one to determine.

When it comes to my future husband, I want more than a happy relationship. I want a healthy, supportive, loving and lasting relationship. I will fight for my future “partner in crime”. I am willing to go through the mess that is dating and love to find the right man.

I will also fight for the love of my family. Both my future family, my immediate and extended family and the people who are practically family. These are relationships and the love I value the most.

I am willing to struggle for freedom.

When I really thought about it, the reason I want to become an entrepreneur is because I crave freedom.

I am determined to design my lifestyle. I want to be able to travel extensively for long stretches of time and I want to have time to follow my passions that do not lead to financial gain, such as running, volleyball, camping, hiking, art, music, dance, etc…

For these I am willing to endure the pain of weird work schedules, unusual jobs, the long and weird hours of being an entrepreneur and the lack of complete stability.

I am willing to struggle for health.

I don’t crave perfection.

I do crave strength, fitness, health and longevity doing what I love - including the physical activities and sports.

I am willing to put in the pain of maintaining this both in physical exercise and diet (although is it really painful to eat healthy food?)

I am willing to struggle for my faith.

As a Christian I am willing to put in the time necessary to build and continue to build upon my relationship with God and my faith.

I am willing to go through the pain of asking the hard questions and the ensuing internal struggle. I am willing to go through the pain of encountering the glory of God and confronting our mortality and what makes us human. I want a lifelong relationship with God regardless of the questions and bumps in the journey.

I am willing to struggle for connection.

At the end of the day I love making connections. I love being ‘that person’ that reaches out, meets the neighbors, builds relationships with staff at the grocery store and makes friends with the person next to her on the plane.

I am willing to endure the painfully long conversations, awkward interactions, funny looks and occasionally unpleasant situations in order to create a more connected world and meet new people. It’s just something I do.

As Manson says,

“happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative.”

Ultimately we will all struggle. And when it comes to determining what we want in life, maybe rather than focusing on methods of productivity and manifesting our dreams into reality - maybe we should instead think about the negative side.

Because the only way to the positive is through the negative.

What are you willing to struggle for? Let me know in the comments below.

Here is the link to the article that inspired this blog post. And here is more information on Mark Manson.