Taking Action

I did something scary this weekend.

Something I’ve been mulling over for at least a few weeks.

Something I thought I couldn’t find enough time to actually make happen. When in reality I was procrastinating and doing unimportant tasks that filled up the hours and made it APPEAR as though I had run out of time.

So yesterday, after a long conversation with a good friend and fellow entrepreneur, I finally did it.

I had already spent two hours scrolling through meaningless social media when I told myself that that was enough. I had to make a move.

So I did.

And in doing so, I felt a mix of both freedom and elation and the weightiness of FEAR.

The thoughts of doubt. The thoughts saying that I couldn’t do it. That it wouldn’t work. That I would be a complete and utter failure. They were all there.

And I’m still struggling with them.

Do I know what I’m doing? No.

Will this be a steep learning curve? Yes.

Will I make mistakes? Yes.

Can it fail? Quite possibly.

But will I be happy I tried? Yes. 

Will I regret taking action? Ultimately, no matter happens, no.

So in the end its worth it.

And in a way I launched this community as much for myself as for others.

So what is it?

Well first let me explain one thing. I rebranded my website under The Rested Entrepreneur. That was the original goal of starting a website and it finally felt like it was time to shift everything over. My website is still under my own name, but the primary domain has changed. As well as the layout.

And…

I launched a community. On Facebook.

I decided that in order to provide value and learn more about what other entrepreneurs needed in order to feel balance in their lives - that I should launch a closed group - or a community - for those looking for the same thing.

And don’t get me wrong, I am in no means the shining example of this. In fact, I am often the opposite. 

Struggling with energy, self-doubt, depression, overwhelm...all of it (cue the negative self talk here).

But one thing I do know is that I am tired of seeing friends working to the point of burnout. Tired of the endless lists of productivity hacks. Of sleep hacks. Of ways to squeeze more activity into your day. Of quotes that are supposedly motivating, but instead create unnecessary levels of guilt about how much YOU got done today. 

I’m tired of the productivity narrative telling us to wake up early, take care of your body, run a business, have a family and look perfect the whole time and repeat the next day - and saying its easy with these ”easy to implement steps”. It’s not. It’s not natural. And I would argue that it is far more likely people burn out rather than ever make it to success with this game plan.

So I did it. 

I created the Facebook community under the same name as my website, The Rested Entrepreneur.

At this point in time I have no idea where it will lead me, but I do know one thing - it is something I needed to do. So I did. 

And the value of action often far outweighs anything else.

So if you would like to join, just send me a request over Facebook and I will be sure to include you in this experiment called community.

My hope is that it takes a life of its own. But we will see. 

And that’s part of the excitement.

Not This

I sat at my cold glass dining table under the glaring white lights, long into the cold of the night, writing a list of pros and cons with trembling hands. Earlier in the evening I had spent time debating with myself, praying to (more like screaming at) God, speaking with my roommate and crying endlessly. 

I was torn to pieces. 

I had thought - only a year and a half earlier - that I had found the perfect job.

Boy was I wrong.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says,

"Most of us, at some point in our lives (unless we have done everything perfectly...which is: nobody) will have to face a terrible moment in which we realize that we have somehow ended up in the wrong place — or at least, in a very bad place."

How many of us have ended up in this "bad place"? Face down. Exhausted. At the bottom. Feeling like you just HAVE to make a change. There is no more waiting.

Well I certainly did in 2014.

Not only did my situation end up less than ideal, it had turned toxic. 

It frankly wasn’t good for me: emotionally, physically (stress) or spiritually. 

Did I have any idea what I was going to do next? 

No.

Did I have a Plan B? 

No.

Did I have any idea how this decision would alter the future?

No.

But did I know I had to leave?

Absolutely.

It was a deep, gut wrenching sense of 

NOT THIS.

My heart, mind, body, soul - every part of me was screaming 

NOT THIS.

I had to get out. 

So I did.

By the end of that evening - before I even went to bed - I had a resignation letter drafted and ready to go for the morning. 

And I felt peace.

Yes I was terrified. I had no idea what I was going to do. And I absolutely did not want to leave my home - Cape Town, South Africa prematurely.

I was risking my entire life. The life I had spent so much time, heart and soul building. This decision could destroy it all in a moment.

Regardless of that, I knew the decision had to be made.

I had already waited too long. I had had that unmistakable sinking feeling after only a few months and had decided to hang on even as everything started slipping out of control.

I knew that even with the terrifying prospect of not knowing what was next, or how this decision would change things - that staying in my home would become increasingly difficult without a miracle - I absolutely had to listen to that gut feeling screaming, NOT THIS - because anything was better than where I found myself.

So when the moment came, I handed over my resignation letter without regret.

I knew I had done the right thing. And only relief swept over me as I walked away that day. 

Since I was at the bottom, I also knew, I could only improve.

Recently, my good friend, fellow blogger and awesome podcaster, Bryan Teare, creator of the Quarter Life Comeback, reminded me of a challenging post written by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert titled, Not This .

It struck a chord the first time I read it. And once again it is having the same effect all over again.

In the post she writes about the terrifying moments in life when you realize - NOT THIS.

When you find yourself on the floor emotionally or physically with the realization that something has to change. Must change. 

That you have to leave the job, end the toxic relationship, admit yourself into rehab, leave a community that is slowly poisoning you or walk away from a belief that once defined you but no longer does anymore.

That no matter what you do next, it’s NOT THIS.

In Elizabeths own words,

"If you keep ignoring the voices within you that say NOT THIS, just because you don't know what to do, instead...you may end up stuck in NOT THIS forever.

You don't need to know where you are going to admit that where you are standing right now is wrong.

The bravest thing to say can be these two words.

What comes next?

I don't know. You don't know. Nobody knows. It might be worse. It might be better. But whatever it is...? It's NOT THIS."

So are you getting the feeling that something needs to change? Are you in the middle of your personal NOT THIS moment right now? Have you ever experienced this in the past? If so, please tell me your stories if you feel comfortable below - I would love to hear about how you got to this point and made the change to get out.

Stuck.

I strongly dislike the word stuck. 

As an extremely independent individual, stuck brings up many negative connotations.

The word itself has a number of definitions - but the ones most fitting for my dislike are the informal definitions, including:

1. Unable to progress with a task or find the answer or solution to something.
2. Be or remain in a specified place or situation, typically one perceived as tedious or unpleasant.
3. Be at a loss for or in need of.
4. Unable to get rid of or escape from.

So, why do I dislike this word so much?

Well because feeling stuck brings me to a place of desperation, of need. It creates a strong gut reaction to get out. To get away. A deep sense of needing something to change - of a lack of balance. 

And to be stuck is one of my biggest fears.

Stuck is what happens when you give up. 

Stuck is what happens when you find yourself dwelling on a decision for hours on end twirling the thoughts around and around and around in your head endlessly with no coming solution.

Stuck is when you find yourself wasting time online - on social media - or any other diversion in order to distract yourself from that pressing feeling of something needing to be done now - but due to whatever reasons you just can’t do it right now.

I do believe everyone knows what I am talking about - but there are some of us who are more sensitive to it than others. 

And sadly, I believe there are even more people in the world who have desensitized themselves to this feeling or have reasoned their way out of it.

Settling is the friend of stuck. I’ve talked to far too many individuals who have settled into a lifestyle they hate - for whatever reason. Or friends who two years ago felt stuck in their current job, city, friend group, relationship, etc… who have just decided it is “the way it is” and are no longer fighting for a change. 

Seeing this drives me crazy. And it drives me to the edge of delirium when I find myself in the same situation.

I always need to be moving towards something more. Towards a goal. To a greater experience. To a greater world. To a better me.

Stuck is a feeling I have been fleeing from for most of my adult life. From the time I was 18 and off to college I have tried with all my might to create a lifestyle free of being stuck. From designing my own major in college, to working overseas for 2.5 years because I fell in love with Cape Town, South Africa when studying abroad there, to resigning from a job and drifting between volunteer positions until I found a dream gig in tourism, to moving myself back to the United States and back to Santa Barbara - a city I love - with few connections and no job - I have managed to keep moving and keep the fear of being stuck at bay.

However, as I move into a different season of life with a stable job and a home to call my own, it is difficult to not fear getting stuck here. 

But there is one aspect I’ve been missing all along.

You see, being stuck isn’t connected only to our physical location or the people we know - rather it is intertwined to our emotional state of being. 

This means that you can be in a corporate office job and feel stuck OR you can feel alive and like you are working in a position aligned with your purpose.

It all comes down to your perspective and goals.

Personally, this means that even though I find myself in a standard office job, it doesn’t mean I’m stuck. 

Instead,with the right perspective, this job allows me to live in one of the best cities in the country and find a community of people who enjoy a lifestyle similar to what I aspire to have myself.

It means I have a steady income while I write this blog and turn this, or other ventures, into side gigs - that may eventually become something bigger.

It means I have a place to learn new skills and test my abilities with upcoming tasks and new initiatives within the company.

It means I have a community of coworkers to interact with everyday.

Yes, I still struggle with a sense of being tied down at times, especially post working in tourism where travel was the norm.

However, I know this is a season. And seasons are good.

So whenever you find yourself stuck, reevaluate whether this job, city, friend group, relationship or whatever else, helps bring you a step closer to your goals. 

If not, let them go. 

But if they do, then give yourself the task of finding a way to bring meaning and perspective to that area of your life because ultimately it’s the only way to get unstuck.

Are you feeling stuck? If so let me know why and what is standing in your way in the comments below.