“The good life is built with good relationships.”

Last night I came across a TEDTalk by Robert Waldinger, the Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, titled “What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness”.

It turns out The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that’s ever been run. They tracked the lives of 724 men, for 75 years, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health and more. About 60 of the original 724 men are still alive and participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. 

What did they find?

It turns out the lessons weren’t about wealth, fame or working harder. As Mr. Waldinger said, 

“The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” 

Social connections are literally good for our health and on the flip side, loneliness, is toxic.

Yes we may be eating well and exercising all the time but if we are lonely and isolated we are at more of a risk than someone who has quality relationships.

“...when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn’t their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.”

It turns out quality warm relationships are protective of our health. 

And as Waldinger mentioned in his talk, “the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they’re lonely.”

This is a tragedy. 

While we focus on the latest diet trends and foods for healthy living and longevity it seems the one vital aspect of our health goes largely ignored. And that is the aspect of healthy relationships and the absence of loneliness. 

So what can we do about this? What can we do today?

Well first we need to focus on the self. Look at ourselves. Look at our behaviors.

When you’re with other people are you engaged? I mean truly engaged. Or are you constantly checking your phone for the latest message?

I know I’m guilty of the one above, especially when I’m with my own family and I even know it drives me nuts when friends do the same thing. So my first step is remaining aware of this behavior and every time I catch myself reaching for the phone or tablet, instead I will consciously put it down and say no until I am alone and am not losing precious time with those I love.

Second, we need to think about others. 

Who do we know needs to get out more?

We could be thinking about our very introverted friend who has confided that they feel left out. Or we could consider the new mom who is suddenly separate of regular social interactions due to friends not knowing when they can reach out. Or what about the new person at church or at work who you know just moved here? Maybe invite them to join you and your friends at dinner. You never know what could unfold.

All I’m saying is you never know what impact you may have just by reaching out. You may unknowingly reach that 1 person in 5 in America who feels lonely. Maybe you can be part of changing that statistic. 

Ultimately, whether or not a friendship entails, it helps you since you will feel more connected to the community.

So to conclude I would like to ask, should we be “leaning in” (to steal Sheryl Sandbergs’ term) to work? Or should we instead lean into relationships with family, community and friends?

I would argue the latter.

Watch the full TEDTalk Here.

Goals vs. Dreams

This morning I stumbled across this quote,

“Goals are dreams with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill

It’s true, hey?

For some reason this particular quote took me off guard. Something about it struck a chord. 

It could be because I am in the midst of transition with a never-ending to do list that I have finally decided to tackle with all of my ability.

It could also be because I spent the time in the Rituals for Living Dreambook I mentioned in my previous post and experienced the difference between the two firsthand.

The book asks you to outline your dreams for the next 1 year, 3 years, 10 years and lifetime. Then slowly once those are defined it is a matter of choosing the top three dreams, breaking them down into steps and setting dates for completion on these steps. Guided processing then helps break it down even further into very simple actionable steps. Suddenly you find you've made your dreams, goals.

From a lofty dream to actionable steps you can take tomorrow. 

That is the process of making your dreams a reality.

This whole process is actually quite simple yet we often find ourselves drifting when it comes to our dreams. 

Instead of doing the work to break them down, we figure that one day we will just wake up and things will be different. That once we have the time we can focus on “the dream”. Or that once a certain condition, like losing the weight or being married or living in a certain place is met, we will ONLY THEN make the change. Yet, in our ever crazy and digitally consuming lives we rarely find that time and instead use our “conditions” as an excuse as to why we have not made any steps towards our goal. 

Rather we need to wake up from this idea of perfect conditions. 

Ultimately, there will never be a perfect time. We all know this. We just need to recognize it.

I remember when I had this realization. It was 2012, right out of college and I found myself in that uncertain time in between the life of a student and a professional. I knew how to be a student and achieve in the academic world. However, when it came to personal dreams I had the notion that one day I would just figure it out and the timing would be right. However, that time never came.

Instead, I found myself at a point of frustration where I knew I just had to start. In this particular case it was my weight and fitness that was driving me nuts. I had never successfully dieted and was never much of an athlete. So the day I decided to lace up my shoes and go outside was a big one. But I did it. And I did it everyday. At the same time I changed my diet and focused on core healthy foods. Within a few weeks there was a visible difference and I was amazed. This was the point when I realized how everyday steps allow you to achieve your dreams.

So whether you want to write a book, start a business, lose weight, travel the world or really anything else you can think of - start now. Break down those dreams into steps. Break down those steps into more steps. Set dates on each step. Break it down until it is possible to take that first step, and then the next one. 

Start tomorrow and begin your journey of making your dreams a reality.

A Special Calling

This New Year I came across what I believe to be one of the best tools for setting goals, refining vision and finding your purpose. 

It is called the Rituals for Living Dreambook + Planner (link below).

As the creators, Briana and Peter Borten say on the website, 

“The Rituals for Living Dreambook is a place for you to dream, craft, and forge new rituals. It helps you clarify and emphasize your true priorities, and establish a plan to bring them to the forefront of your life. It guides you to find enjoyment and specialness every step of the way. And it reminds you not to sacrifice your physical, psychological, or spiritual health as you start achieving goals like never before.”

I feel so compelled to share about this book because it provided me with a sense of purpose and clarity I have never experienced before. (This is not to be taken lightly as I have done more than my fair share of “find your purpose” exercises in the past.) 

In fact, I would recommend that everyone purchase this book and really spend the quality time needed to answer each question posed. The questions are written in such a way to get clarity on your vision, purpose, goals and ultimately how to break down each of those goals into actionable steps and rituals to make them a reality.

When I found myself spending the time to really dwell on the answers to these questions, I had the sudden realization that the way I initially built this website did not actually fit me or what I feel my purpose is. 

Which is why I took out the Health Coach page.

I am nearly done studying at Integrative Institute of Nutrition and I have loved it. Health and nutrition is something I find myself passionate about. However, a health coaching business doesn’t feel quite right for me at this moment in time.

Maybe it will be right sometime in the future. But as of 2016, at this point in my life where I am reestablishing myself once again in a new place and at a new beginning, I know it isn't quite the right thing just yet.

Instead I am a Connection Facilitator. 

My purpose is to create community and to help others create community.

That is what I am good at and what I intend to focus this website on.

Now how do I intend to do this? I'm not so sure yet. That is still to come. But at this point in time I know the first thing I can do is establish a community, a tribe if you will, of people who are interested in this topic and want to join me on this new journey. (And if you would like to join sign up for the newsletter in the tab below.)

So that is what I intend to do with this blog.

And as new developments come along you will be sure to see them on this website. As new opportunities and ideas emerge I will grow with them. But as of now, this is where I intend to start.

So what about health and nutrition?

Well, it turns out I quite love health and nutrition and these core concepts come into every aspect of healthy community and how to be a whole person. Due to this I do not intend to drop these topics in any way and the training I received to be a health coach is absolutely applicable to this field of building connections, healthy relationships and community.

So if you or anyone you know has ever struggled with the questions,

How do I make friends after college?

How do I start over?

How do I find community?

Then this is the right place for you. 

And if you’re someone like me who enjoys community building, healthy living in general or if you’re a 20 something trying to figure out your unconventional life, this will be a place you find interesting to hang out.

So here goes nothing. And who knows it could change AGAIN. But as I should know by now, it’s totally A-OK to change.

- If you are in a place where you need to re-center on your vision, purpose or goals (whether or not it is New Years you can fill in the dates so you can really start anytime) make sure you check out The Rituals for Living Dreambook + Planner Here. -

(I was not paid to endorse this product. I wrote this out of the love of my heart.)