What are you willing to struggle for?

The sand squished between my toes as I stood on the beach staring out into the water. It was Sunday and I was waiting for some friends who were planning to play a few games of beach volleyball. As I stood there, all I could think was, ‘wow I can’t believe I’m actually here’.

Two weeks ago I made the move from the frozen shores of Rhode Island to the warmth of Santa Barbara, California. I have managed so far to find an amazing home, a bike for transportation and am both reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. 

Life is pretty great.

However, since I am still on the lookout for steady income - otherwise known as a job - I have found myself constantly asking - What do I want? 

I've found that being in the midst of the job hunt makes me imagine what my life might look like if I got any particular position - especially when I'm asked for an interview.

So far I have imagined myself as a barista, executive assistant, wine tasting room manager, fundraiser and marketing assistant.

All of these roles interested me for one reason or another, yet all of them lead to dramatically different results in terms of lifestyle and the kind of stress I would deal with on a daily basis.

Sometimes it feels like I am having an identity crisis.

So when I came across a brilliant post written by Mark Manson suggesting that I was asking myself the wrong question, I decided to give it a read.

More than that, after reading it through once, I decided to actually sit down with pen and paper and ask myself the hard questions.

In the post he suggests that asking ‘What do I want out of life?’ is the wrong question.

Instead, he suggests asking: 

1. What pain do I want in my life?

2. What am I willing to struggle for?

These are far from easy questions to answer. For a while I didn’t know how to answer them. 

However, after spending some time dwelling on the implications of these questions this is what I came up with.

I am willing to struggle for love.

This was the easiest one to determine.

When it comes to my future husband, I want more than a happy relationship. I want a healthy, supportive, loving and lasting relationship. I will fight for my future “partner in crime”. I am willing to go through the mess that is dating and love to find the right man.

I will also fight for the love of my family. Both my future family, my immediate and extended family and the people who are practically family. These are relationships and the love I value the most.

I am willing to struggle for freedom.

When I really thought about it, the reason I want to become an entrepreneur is because I crave freedom.

I am determined to design my lifestyle. I want to be able to travel extensively for long stretches of time and I want to have time to follow my passions that do not lead to financial gain, such as running, volleyball, camping, hiking, art, music, dance, etc…

For these I am willing to endure the pain of weird work schedules, unusual jobs, the long and weird hours of being an entrepreneur and the lack of complete stability.

I am willing to struggle for health.

I don’t crave perfection.

I do crave strength, fitness, health and longevity doing what I love - including the physical activities and sports.

I am willing to put in the pain of maintaining this both in physical exercise and diet (although is it really painful to eat healthy food?)

I am willing to struggle for my faith.

As a Christian I am willing to put in the time necessary to build and continue to build upon my relationship with God and my faith.

I am willing to go through the pain of asking the hard questions and the ensuing internal struggle. I am willing to go through the pain of encountering the glory of God and confronting our mortality and what makes us human. I want a lifelong relationship with God regardless of the questions and bumps in the journey.

I am willing to struggle for connection.

At the end of the day I love making connections. I love being ‘that person’ that reaches out, meets the neighbors, builds relationships with staff at the grocery store and makes friends with the person next to her on the plane.

I am willing to endure the painfully long conversations, awkward interactions, funny looks and occasionally unpleasant situations in order to create a more connected world and meet new people. It’s just something I do. 

As Manson says, 

“happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative.”

Ultimately we will all struggle. And when it comes to determining what we want in life, maybe rather than focusing on methods of productivity and manifesting our dreams into reality - maybe we should instead think about the negative side.

Because the only way to the positive is through the negative.

What are you willing to struggle for? Let me know in the comments below.

Here is the link to the article that inspired this blog post. And here is more information on Mark Manson.

Goals vs. Dreams

This morning I stumbled across this quote,

“Goals are dreams with a deadline.” Napoleon Hill

It’s true, hey?

For some reason this particular quote took me off guard. Something about it struck a chord. 

It could be because I am in the midst of transition with a never-ending to do list that I have finally decided to tackle with all of my ability.

It could also be because I spent the time in the Rituals for Living Dreambook I mentioned in my previous post and experienced the difference between the two firsthand.

The book asks you to outline your dreams for the next 1 year, 3 years, 10 years and lifetime. Then slowly once those are defined it is a matter of choosing the top three dreams, breaking them down into steps and setting dates for completion on these steps. Guided processing then helps break it down even further into very simple actionable steps. Suddenly you find you've made your dreams, goals.

From a lofty dream to actionable steps you can take tomorrow. 

That is the process of making your dreams a reality.

This whole process is actually quite simple yet we often find ourselves drifting when it comes to our dreams. 

Instead of doing the work to break them down, we figure that one day we will just wake up and things will be different. That once we have the time we can focus on “the dream”. Or that once a certain condition, like losing the weight or being married or living in a certain place is met, we will ONLY THEN make the change. Yet, in our ever crazy and digitally consuming lives we rarely find that time and instead use our “conditions” as an excuse as to why we have not made any steps towards our goal. 

Rather we need to wake up from this idea of perfect conditions. 

Ultimately, there will never be a perfect time. We all know this. We just need to recognize it.

I remember when I had this realization. It was 2012, right out of college and I found myself in that uncertain time in between the life of a student and a professional. I knew how to be a student and achieve in the academic world. However, when it came to personal dreams I had the notion that one day I would just figure it out and the timing would be right. However, that time never came.

Instead, I found myself at a point of frustration where I knew I just had to start. In this particular case it was my weight and fitness that was driving me nuts. I had never successfully dieted and was never much of an athlete. So the day I decided to lace up my shoes and go outside was a big one. But I did it. And I did it everyday. At the same time I changed my diet and focused on core healthy foods. Within a few weeks there was a visible difference and I was amazed. This was the point when I realized how everyday steps allow you to achieve your dreams.

So whether you want to write a book, start a business, lose weight, travel the world or really anything else you can think of - start now. Break down those dreams into steps. Break down those steps into more steps. Set dates on each step. Break it down until it is possible to take that first step, and then the next one. 

Start tomorrow and begin your journey of making your dreams a reality.

A Special Calling

This New Year I came across what I believe to be one of the best tools for setting goals, refining vision and finding your purpose. 

It is called the Rituals for Living Dreambook + Planner (link below).

As the creators, Briana and Peter Borten say on the website, 

“The Rituals for Living Dreambook is a place for you to dream, craft, and forge new rituals. It helps you clarify and emphasize your true priorities, and establish a plan to bring them to the forefront of your life. It guides you to find enjoyment and specialness every step of the way. And it reminds you not to sacrifice your physical, psychological, or spiritual health as you start achieving goals like never before.”

I feel so compelled to share about this book because it provided me with a sense of purpose and clarity I have never experienced before. (This is not to be taken lightly as I have done more than my fair share of “find your purpose” exercises in the past.) 

In fact, I would recommend that everyone purchase this book and really spend the quality time needed to answer each question posed. The questions are written in such a way to get clarity on your vision, purpose, goals and ultimately how to break down each of those goals into actionable steps and rituals to make them a reality.

When I found myself spending the time to really dwell on the answers to these questions, I had the sudden realization that the way I initially built this website did not actually fit me or what I feel my purpose is. 

Which is why I took out the Health Coach page.

I am nearly done studying at Integrative Institute of Nutrition and I have loved it. Health and nutrition is something I find myself passionate about. However, a health coaching business doesn’t feel quite right for me at this moment in time.

Maybe it will be right sometime in the future. But as of 2016, at this point in my life where I am reestablishing myself once again in a new place and at a new beginning, I know it isn't quite the right thing just yet.

Instead I am a Connection Facilitator. 

My purpose is to create community and to help others create community.

That is what I am good at and what I intend to focus this website on.

Now how do I intend to do this? I'm not so sure yet. That is still to come. But at this point in time I know the first thing I can do is establish a community, a tribe if you will, of people who are interested in this topic and want to join me on this new journey. (And if you would like to join sign up for the newsletter in the tab below.)

So that is what I intend to do with this blog.

And as new developments come along you will be sure to see them on this website. As new opportunities and ideas emerge I will grow with them. But as of now, this is where I intend to start.

So what about health and nutrition?

Well, it turns out I quite love health and nutrition and these core concepts come into every aspect of healthy community and how to be a whole person. Due to this I do not intend to drop these topics in any way and the training I received to be a health coach is absolutely applicable to this field of building connections, healthy relationships and community.

So if you or anyone you know has ever struggled with the questions,

How do I make friends after college?

How do I start over?

How do I find community?

Then this is the right place for you. 

And if you’re someone like me who enjoys community building, healthy living in general or if you’re a 20 something trying to figure out your unconventional life, this will be a place you find interesting to hang out.

So here goes nothing. And who knows it could change AGAIN. But as I should know by now, it’s totally A-OK to change.

- If you are in a place where you need to re-center on your vision, purpose or goals (whether or not it is New Years you can fill in the dates so you can really start anytime) make sure you check out The Rituals for Living Dreambook + Planner Here. -

(I was not paid to endorse this product. I wrote this out of the love of my heart.)