Stuck.

I strongly dislike the word stuck. 

As an extremely independent individual, stuck brings up many negative connotations.

The word itself has a number of definitions - but the ones most fitting for my dislike are the informal definitions, including:

1. Unable to progress with a task or find the answer or solution to something.
2. Be or remain in a specified place or situation, typically one perceived as tedious or unpleasant.
3. Be at a loss for or in need of.
4. Unable to get rid of or escape from.

So, why do I dislike this word so much?

Well because feeling stuck brings me to a place of desperation, of need. It creates a strong gut reaction to get out. To get away. A deep sense of needing something to change - of a lack of balance. 

And to be stuck is one of my biggest fears.

Stuck is what happens when you give up. 

Stuck is what happens when you find yourself dwelling on a decision for hours on end twirling the thoughts around and around and around in your head endlessly with no coming solution.

Stuck is when you find yourself wasting time online - on social media - or any other diversion in order to distract yourself from that pressing feeling of something needing to be done now - but due to whatever reasons you just can’t do it right now.

I do believe everyone knows what I am talking about - but there are some of us who are more sensitive to it than others. 

And sadly, I believe there are even more people in the world who have desensitized themselves to this feeling or have reasoned their way out of it.

Settling is the friend of stuck. I’ve talked to far too many individuals who have settled into a lifestyle they hate - for whatever reason. Or friends who two years ago felt stuck in their current job, city, friend group, relationship, etc… who have just decided it is “the way it is” and are no longer fighting for a change. 

Seeing this drives me crazy. And it drives me to the edge of delirium when I find myself in the same situation.

I always need to be moving towards something more. Towards a goal. To a greater experience. To a greater world. To a better me.

Stuck is a feeling I have been fleeing from for most of my adult life. From the time I was 18 and off to college I have tried with all my might to create a lifestyle free of being stuck. From designing my own major in college, to working overseas for 2.5 years because I fell in love with Cape Town, South Africa when studying abroad there, to resigning from a job and drifting between volunteer positions until I found a dream gig in tourism, to moving myself back to the United States and back to Santa Barbara - a city I love - with few connections and no job - I have managed to keep moving and keep the fear of being stuck at bay.

However, as I move into a different season of life with a stable job and a home to call my own, it is difficult to not fear getting stuck here. 

But there is one aspect I’ve been missing all along.

You see, being stuck isn’t connected only to our physical location or the people we know - rather it is intertwined to our emotional state of being. 

This means that you can be in a corporate office job and feel stuck OR you can feel alive and like you are working in a position aligned with your purpose.

It all comes down to your perspective and goals.

Personally, this means that even though I find myself in a standard office job, it doesn’t mean I’m stuck. 

Instead,with the right perspective, this job allows me to live in one of the best cities in the country and find a community of people who enjoy a lifestyle similar to what I aspire to have myself.

It means I have a steady income while I write this blog and turn this, or other ventures, into side gigs - that may eventually become something bigger.

It means I have a place to learn new skills and test my abilities with upcoming tasks and new initiatives within the company.

It means I have a community of coworkers to interact with everyday.

Yes, I still struggle with a sense of being tied down at times, especially post working in tourism where travel was the norm.

However, I know this is a season. And seasons are good.

So whenever you find yourself stuck, reevaluate whether this job, city, friend group, relationship or whatever else, helps bring you a step closer to your goals. 

If not, let them go. 

But if they do, then give yourself the task of finding a way to bring meaning and perspective to that area of your life because ultimately it’s the only way to get unstuck.

Are you feeling stuck? If so let me know why and what is standing in your way in the comments below.

Mundane, Yet Beautiful

Driving from Cape Town, South Africa to Victoria Falls, Zambia in a borrowed Toyota Land Cruiser (yes, we met the owner in a bar) was a crazy adventure.

Sleeping in our tents listening to the sound of content lion purrs after a kill, hyena's stalking the area yipping at each other and hippos crunching at the grass just a few yards from us was an experience unlike any other.

Flying over the Okavango Delta - one of those locations where National Geographic films from the sky - on a sightseeing flight, followed by a drunken evening with the pilots in town was an awesome experience.

Dealing with major car issues leading to a complete break down in the tiny town of Mahalapye, Botswana absolutely sucked, but naturally lead to the incredible experiences had by all when we were adopted twice - by a dairy farmer/restaurant owner and by a game farm owner where we spent time relaxing and enjoying time in their company.

Yes, these are some of the crazy stories that I love to tell and tend to catch the attention of those within earshot.

However, when I find myself alone and daydreaming - or just thinking about my time abroad - what do I think about? 

It tuns out I don't focus on these crazy adventures.

Instead my mind focuses on the mundane, yet beautiful, everyday moments.

Being smothered in motherly hugs and cuddles by my adoptive “nom” on her couch on a lazy Sunday afternoon, the air heavy with the spicy smell of delicious homemade Cape Malay curry.

The rough sand grinding against my feet as I run along the beach on my "normal post work run" near my home in Muizenberg at sunset, with the gail force wind whipping my face and only kite surfers to be found on the beach with me.

The delicious and smoky smell of meat - chicken, lamb, goat, almost anything - on the open braai’s (barbecues) lining the dusty streets of the townships we visited. 

The ridiculous and yet lovely crowd stopping, gold-toothed smile, laugh and “Welcome to Cape Town!!!” with full body motions, from the one and only Carol at the front desk at Once in Cape Town where I worked and lived.

The building voices and laughter of my friends in all of their distinct and beautiful accents as we sat in one of the many restaurants where we shared a meal.

The chaos and exhaustion of planning, prepping, cooking, and recreating classic foodie treats from scratch - sometimes with the wrong ingredients - so my roommate and I could host American style holiday gatherings - think 4th of July (in the middle of winter), Thanksgiving (in the spring), Cinco de Mayo, Christmas (in the summer) and much more - to crowds of 25+ people.

The feeling of the cold rock against my body and slippery ladder rungs gripped tightly, as I hid my fear of heights bringing some of our guests on a hike up Lion’s Head to take in the stunning views at sunset.

Collapsing on the couch, with rooibos tea in hand, the sweet yet subtle smell a reminder that I am home - to spend some quality quiet time by myself or with one of the three guys who allowed me to use their space as my own to "get away" from it all.

It turns out it wasn't the crazy storybook moments that mattered the most, rather it was moments like these that touched my heart and left a permanent mark on my soul.

These small, repetitive, rarely notable moments are the ones I cherish most.

They are also the ones most difficult to share with others. 

They are not moments I could Instagram easily or even categorize as something special - yet when it comes down to it, they are what sparks the most feeling.

In fact, I think for many of us it is small moments like these that we cherish.

Whether the smell of our grandfathers cologne or the way our moms' hand brushed our back as she hugged us day in and day out. Or the way our best friends made our bellies hurt from laughing as we lay in the grass during college. It is these moments that stick in our memories and stay with us through life.

So why don’t we value them more?

Often, it seems, we are instead looking for the next high - something that we can share with others. We look for excitement and new experiences.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore adventures and new experiences.

What I am suggesting however, is that rather than be looking for the next big adventure all the time we should also be paying attention to those small moments we experience in the present.

In the morning really taste your coffee and experience the flavor as it rolls over your tongue.

Appreciate the people you work with - their funny quirks and all.

Notice and appreciate the beautiful “smile lines” around your best friends glowing eyes as she grins.

Stop to smell the jasmine, orange blossoms, roses and other beautiful flowers that line the street on your evening run.

Appreciate the moments with your loved ones - the hugs, the warmth and the feeling of that person being close.

Because ultimately, life is fleeting and these become the moments we live for. 

“Sometimes, the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”

- Winnie the Pooh

 

Is Productivity Killing You?

Productivity secrets and life hacks are great. At least, I love them.

I often find myself browsing online and clicking on nearly every link promising life changing “hacks” to make my days more productive and easier. When I scan through an article I find myself thinking - wow! these could actually work!

Every once in a blue moon I may actually apply one to my life - sometimes to great success.

One of my favorite “hacks” is making layered salads in mason jars for the week. Saves so much time and money later in the week. Gives me an easy, healthy, go-to lunch everyday, and means I have one less decision to make at 6am- which is always appreciated.

So I love these things. And honestly, I think much of the first world does as well.

Who doesn’t want tools to help us make less daily decisions, get things done in less time and with less stress?

So what is wrong with these?

Well fundamentally nothing. In fact, the more clever ideas can help people, the better.

However, I would argue that what is wrong is not the ideas themselves, but what they represent. 

Ultimately, the popularity of these ideas shows us that we live in a society that prizes productivity and getting more done in less time. 

“Well, duh…” you might say, “whats wrong with that?” 

Well nothing - until it gets in the way of resting and down time.

The problem I see is that we so badly want to get more and more done that when we reach a point emotionally, physically and/or mentally when we need a break - we struggle to actually give ourselves a break without overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame. We feel guilty about off time. We feel FOMO (fear of missing out) for fear of missing something fun. On sick days we find ourselves still working - just from home.

There is something wrong with this.

When our bodies reach the point where we get signals to slow down and rest we need to listen, respond and honor them.

Instead, we see this as weakness and as something that we can work or play through.

Side Note: Going and doing fun things whether playing a sport, hiking, going out for drinks - as much as they can be rejuvenating to a certain extent - these things still do not count as rest because you come home just as exhausted, if not more so than when you left.

So what do I propose?

I propose that we give ourselves PERMISSION.

We give our society and our friends permission to take a break.

Rather than guilt our friends into joining us when they tell us they need a day off - we should respect it and tell them we both understand and are impressed they are taking care of themselves.

Rather than reach out to coworkers on their sick days to see if they are well enough to get some work done - we should encourage them to turn off their cell phones and email and allow themselves to fully recover for work the following day. 

Rather than beat ourselves up over not getting the to do list done on a Saturday - we should respect our bodies and the innate understanding they have about our needs - and remember that anything that needs to get done can be completed the following day when our energy is back to normal.

And when we find ourselves craving a nap rather than a run on a Thursday afternoon- we should be willing to listen to that as well (within certain reason - we don’t want nap time taking over exercise).

Because ultimately if we give ourselves the time we so deeply crave to rest and be still and truly recover - we can and will be stronger than we can ever imagine when we reemerge fully recharged.

So what do you say?

Lets make a pact with one another to consciously choose to run on full battery rather than half. Lets make the intentional effort to no longer guilt ourselves or others when they need a day off and be willing to listen to the cues our bodies are giving us day in and day out.

Because I can only imagine how awesome this world could be if everyone were fully engaged and living life to their fullest.

In the comments tell me, what are your thoughts on productivity and how does it hurt or help you in your day to day life?