Try. Do.

Today I opened up my email and came across this message:

This is my recreation on Instagram @kathryn_alife.

Basically, it suggests we should not TRY, instead we must take action and DO.

Ask for the date. Take that first step. Go to the gym. Make that phone call. Just do that thing that will help you reach your goal.

Is it just me, or is that an incredibly powerful visual?

I mean it’s true, right? Whenever I hear someone say they will TRY something, I take them far less seriously than someone who says they will DO something.

In fact, when I hear someone talk about their future and choose to use a word like TRY, I nearly always assume that they will not do it - or don’t believe in themselves enough to pull it off - or they are not passionate enough to pull off such a feat.

It’s strange. When I really think about it, I use the word TRY when I am unsure about my abilities or when I’m not very interested. 

And I use the word DO when I am determined, serious and want to take action.

“If I were honest, I think we live in a TRY society.”

I say this because business ideas are a dime a dozen. The market for ‘find yourself’ courses is booming. Nearly everyone is calling themselves an entrepreneur nowadays. People talk about lofty dreams of travel and location-independent work and “lifestyle design” even though they are still living the same lifestyle of 5 years ago.

What differentiates those who are successful from those who are not, is ACTION. 

The doing part of the equation.

If you say you are entrepreneur - show us. Start that side hustle, work for yourself, launch that business - DO something.

If you treat you business ideas like gold - rather than just talking about them and their future supposed success - start it now. Test it. Put it on the market and see what happens. 

If you talk about future long term travel then show us. Start putting that 10% of your income into savings for your future adventure. Strategize how to make it happen. Take the steps to make it a reality.

Because ultimately, if you don’t take action and only ever TRY it will never happen.

Let me say that again - your dream WILL NEVER HAPPEN.

Yes I realize that sounds harsh. But we all need to hear it.

We can spend our entire lifetimes in limbo. We can spend years upon years of imagining a different future, of researching endless options and learning everything there is to do, but NEVER TAKING ACTION.

We can die with an unrealized dream.

If you’re anything like me, you’d rather give it a shot and fail, than never try at all. 

This blog is a perfect personal example.

It’s a first step on my journey towards the future I want. I may not know exactly what I see myself doing in 5 years, or even 6 months - but I know writing this blog is a crucial aspect of developing my voice and an audience as well as the confidence I need to put myself out there and take the steps necessary to take the action I need to be successful.

So GO. 

Do that thing that you’ve been putting off. And rather than make excuses, think about all the reasons you CAN do that thing you want.

Because ultimately we are all far more influential than we may believe and it is only when we embrace our influence, as well as our uniqueness, that we start to make that mark we were put on this planet to make.

In the comments below let me know:

What is holding you back from taking action? 

What step will you take TODAY to change your future?

What are you willing to struggle for?

The sand squished between my toes as I stood on the beach staring out into the water. It was Sunday and I was waiting for some friends who were planning to play a few games of beach volleyball. As I stood there, all I could think was, ‘wow I can’t believe I’m actually here’.

Two weeks ago I made the move from the frozen shores of Rhode Island to the warmth of Santa Barbara, California. I have managed so far to find an amazing home, a bike for transportation and am both reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. 

Life is pretty great.

However, since I am still on the lookout for steady income - otherwise known as a job - I have found myself constantly asking - What do I want? 

I've found that being in the midst of the job hunt makes me imagine what my life might look like if I got any particular position - especially when I'm asked for an interview.

So far I have imagined myself as a barista, executive assistant, wine tasting room manager, fundraiser and marketing assistant.

All of these roles interested me for one reason or another, yet all of them lead to dramatically different results in terms of lifestyle and the kind of stress I would deal with on a daily basis.

Sometimes it feels like I am having an identity crisis.

So when I came across a brilliant post written by Mark Manson suggesting that I was asking myself the wrong question, I decided to give it a read.

More than that, after reading it through once, I decided to actually sit down with pen and paper and ask myself the hard questions.

In the post he suggests that asking ‘What do I want out of life?’ is the wrong question.

Instead, he suggests asking: 

1. What pain do I want in my life?

2. What am I willing to struggle for?

These are far from easy questions to answer. For a while I didn’t know how to answer them. 

However, after spending some time dwelling on the implications of these questions this is what I came up with.

I am willing to struggle for love.

This was the easiest one to determine.

When it comes to my future husband, I want more than a happy relationship. I want a healthy, supportive, loving and lasting relationship. I will fight for my future “partner in crime”. I am willing to go through the mess that is dating and love to find the right man.

I will also fight for the love of my family. Both my future family, my immediate and extended family and the people who are practically family. These are relationships and the love I value the most.

I am willing to struggle for freedom.

When I really thought about it, the reason I want to become an entrepreneur is because I crave freedom.

I am determined to design my lifestyle. I want to be able to travel extensively for long stretches of time and I want to have time to follow my passions that do not lead to financial gain, such as running, volleyball, camping, hiking, art, music, dance, etc…

For these I am willing to endure the pain of weird work schedules, unusual jobs, the long and weird hours of being an entrepreneur and the lack of complete stability.

I am willing to struggle for health.

I don’t crave perfection.

I do crave strength, fitness, health and longevity doing what I love - including the physical activities and sports.

I am willing to put in the pain of maintaining this both in physical exercise and diet (although is it really painful to eat healthy food?)

I am willing to struggle for my faith.

As a Christian I am willing to put in the time necessary to build and continue to build upon my relationship with God and my faith.

I am willing to go through the pain of asking the hard questions and the ensuing internal struggle. I am willing to go through the pain of encountering the glory of God and confronting our mortality and what makes us human. I want a lifelong relationship with God regardless of the questions and bumps in the journey.

I am willing to struggle for connection.

At the end of the day I love making connections. I love being ‘that person’ that reaches out, meets the neighbors, builds relationships with staff at the grocery store and makes friends with the person next to her on the plane.

I am willing to endure the painfully long conversations, awkward interactions, funny looks and occasionally unpleasant situations in order to create a more connected world and meet new people. It’s just something I do. 

As Manson says, 

“happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative.”

Ultimately we will all struggle. And when it comes to determining what we want in life, maybe rather than focusing on methods of productivity and manifesting our dreams into reality - maybe we should instead think about the negative side.

Because the only way to the positive is through the negative.

What are you willing to struggle for? Let me know in the comments below.

Here is the link to the article that inspired this blog post. And here is more information on Mark Manson.

Change IS A-OK

Change. 

Why is change something that causes us so much distress? Why does it cause me so much distress? 

I’ve moved countless times. Switched schools. Switched social scenes. Switched countries. Switched cultures. 

And yet, I still find change hard.

Why is this?

I think it is because we are each hardwired to want to stay in our comfort zones. That we don’t want to do anything that may mess up how good we already have it. Even when we know we have no choice but to change.

I find it strange that we can find ourselves in situations, like transition, where change is unavoidable. Yet, we still find it hard to make changes about ourselves.

Consider this.

I am home in Rhode Island after moving back to the US from South Africa. I am job hunting. I am searching for a place to call my own “home”. 

Obviously there is plenty of change happening.

Yet, when I look at jobs I find myself looking at the same exact roles over and over again. Doing things that I already know don’t give me life. Yet I keep doing it.

Why? 

Because I’m afraid. Because I’m afraid of the unknown. 

I’m afraid of doing something different than what my resume says I “should” be doing. Of breaking the rules. Of wanting to do things my way. Of not having a stable job with benefits when I soon turn 26. 

Fear is something very real and very scary and it blocks me from diving into new territory head first. 

Yet...

When I find the courage to break through that barrier into something new I find freedom and joy and excitement. 

It turns out that fear is just that ugly brick wall we put up to keep ourselves safe and comfortable, yet right on the other side is the green pasture of opportunity and dreams.

So this is one of my resolutions for the year 2016. Break through the fear. Don’t be afraid of what other people say. Make mistakes. Shake stuff up and reorganize until I can feel with my gut and soul that I am on the right path and I plan to do just that.

So ask yourself...What fear can you address today that is holding you back?