Stepping Out

Stepping out is scary.

Being vulnerable on this scary platform know as the internet, is honestly, terrifying.

Brené Brown defines vulnerability as, 

“Having the courage to show up and be seen”.

 

Show Up.

Why is showing up so hard? 

On the door of a gym I once attended, there was a quote that said, “Congratulations! Showing up is half the battle”. They were congratulating me before even working out. It seemed ridiculous. Yet, when I think about it - it’s true. Showing up IS half the battle. 

Be Seen.

What is it about being seen that is so hard?

Is it just me or are we all secret wallflowers feeling like we’re faking it every time we put ourselves ‘out there’.

I know I struggle with the feeling of faking it. Of imposters syndrome.

Often I want to just blend in. To not be noticed. Yet, when you’re crafting a life you love, this just isn’t an option. 

To make friends you have to step out. You have to be the awkward one saying hi on the sidewalk or starting conversation after you’ve been introduced by mutual friends.

To find a new community you have show up. You have to be the “newbie”, create conversation with people you don’t know and sometimes have to sit by yourself the first few times until you manage to connect with someone. 

To create new leads for any business you need to make those awkward phone calls, craft and send those emails and often times just put yourself out there over and over again. 

To develop an online community you have to develop a website, define your voice, craft a blog, start writing, put yourself out there - and hope for the best (with everything you do).

Nobody likes the feeling of everyone’s eyes on them (ok there are some people who love it - but most of us feel intimidated) so when we are in that kind of situation we tend to just fake it.

In all of this there is risk. There is a chance of failure. There is a chance people won’t like you. There is even a chance someone will write something nasty about you (have you looked at YouTube comments?).

However, also hidden deep within all of this risk is the chance of success. Of connection. Of changing the world. Of allowing your authentic voice to shine. Of people feeling empowered by what YOU do.

So when it comes down to it I choose to be vulnerable.

As Marie Forleo often says,

“No other person ever has, or ever will, have the unique blend of talents, strengths & perspective that you have.”

We each have a gift to offer the world. We each have a voice worth being heard. 

So what is stopping people? 

The simple answer is FEAR. But as we all know, it is far more complicated than that.

This past weekend, I experienced this first hand. As a long time Marie Forleo fan, I have been following her work and watching MarieTV for at least a year. Every year she offers B-School for online entrepreneurs and wow is the community amazing! The number of successful entrepreneurs who have come through her program is impressive.

So of course when B-School was announced just a few weeks ago I felt that familiar tug of knowing that this was something I should do. 

However, it is not cheap. Which I completely understand. Any good entrepreneur knows not to undervalue the work they do and to charge fairly. 

So I’m not against the price, but at this point in my life, being in transition, job hunting, having just moved across the country, it seems like financially I just can’t right now. But it doesn’t mean the desire isn’t there.

So when I saw she was offering scholarships - and all you had to do was create a 90 second video describing who you are, what you do and why you should be part of B-School, I knew I had to enter.

She gave us the long weekend to complete the task. She was forcing us to act and act now. Not to deliberate and delay for extended periods of time.

So I waited as long as possible, ruminated, and on the final morning of the contest, posted my video on YouTube.

So now I wait until Friday, when the winners will be announced.

I know I am up against thousands of amazing entrepreneurs, all desiring the same thing, so the chance is small BUT at least I know I tried and that is what matters.

Not only, did it force me to define what it is I want, it forced me to put myself out there. And I did it.

The feeling of accomplishment alone is worth it.

So next time you have the opportunity to put yourself out there, do it. Don’t let fear get in the way. Regardless of the naysayers, you are UNIQUE and have a VOICE worth sharing.

YOU WON'T REGRET IT. OF THIS I CAN PROMISE.

Tell me about the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone in the comments below.

To watch my video entry go HERE.

To see more about the amazing Marie Forleo check out her WEBSITE.

To see more of Brené Brown and the amazing work she does on vulnerability and shame check out her WEBSITE.

What are you willing to struggle for?

The sand squished between my toes as I stood on the beach staring out into the water. It was Sunday and I was waiting for some friends who were planning to play a few games of beach volleyball. As I stood there, all I could think was, ‘wow I can’t believe I’m actually here’.

Two weeks ago I made the move from the frozen shores of Rhode Island to the warmth of Santa Barbara, California. I have managed so far to find an amazing home, a bike for transportation and am both reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. 

Life is pretty great.

However, since I am still on the lookout for steady income - otherwise known as a job - I have found myself constantly asking - What do I want? 

I've found that being in the midst of the job hunt makes me imagine what my life might look like if I got any particular position - especially when I'm asked for an interview.

So far I have imagined myself as a barista, executive assistant, wine tasting room manager, fundraiser and marketing assistant.

All of these roles interested me for one reason or another, yet all of them lead to dramatically different results in terms of lifestyle and the kind of stress I would deal with on a daily basis.

Sometimes it feels like I am having an identity crisis.

So when I came across a brilliant post written by Mark Manson suggesting that I was asking myself the wrong question, I decided to give it a read.

More than that, after reading it through once, I decided to actually sit down with pen and paper and ask myself the hard questions.

In the post he suggests that asking ‘What do I want out of life?’ is the wrong question.

Instead, he suggests asking: 

1. What pain do I want in my life?

2. What am I willing to struggle for?

These are far from easy questions to answer. For a while I didn’t know how to answer them. 

However, after spending some time dwelling on the implications of these questions this is what I came up with.

I am willing to struggle for love.

This was the easiest one to determine.

When it comes to my future husband, I want more than a happy relationship. I want a healthy, supportive, loving and lasting relationship. I will fight for my future “partner in crime”. I am willing to go through the mess that is dating and love to find the right man.

I will also fight for the love of my family. Both my future family, my immediate and extended family and the people who are practically family. These are relationships and the love I value the most.

I am willing to struggle for freedom.

When I really thought about it, the reason I want to become an entrepreneur is because I crave freedom.

I am determined to design my lifestyle. I want to be able to travel extensively for long stretches of time and I want to have time to follow my passions that do not lead to financial gain, such as running, volleyball, camping, hiking, art, music, dance, etc…

For these I am willing to endure the pain of weird work schedules, unusual jobs, the long and weird hours of being an entrepreneur and the lack of complete stability.

I am willing to struggle for health.

I don’t crave perfection.

I do crave strength, fitness, health and longevity doing what I love - including the physical activities and sports.

I am willing to put in the pain of maintaining this both in physical exercise and diet (although is it really painful to eat healthy food?)

I am willing to struggle for my faith.

As a Christian I am willing to put in the time necessary to build and continue to build upon my relationship with God and my faith.

I am willing to go through the pain of asking the hard questions and the ensuing internal struggle. I am willing to go through the pain of encountering the glory of God and confronting our mortality and what makes us human. I want a lifelong relationship with God regardless of the questions and bumps in the journey.

I am willing to struggle for connection.

At the end of the day I love making connections. I love being ‘that person’ that reaches out, meets the neighbors, builds relationships with staff at the grocery store and makes friends with the person next to her on the plane.

I am willing to endure the painfully long conversations, awkward interactions, funny looks and occasionally unpleasant situations in order to create a more connected world and meet new people. It’s just something I do. 

As Manson says, 

“happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative.”

Ultimately we will all struggle. And when it comes to determining what we want in life, maybe rather than focusing on methods of productivity and manifesting our dreams into reality - maybe we should instead think about the negative side.

Because the only way to the positive is through the negative.

What are you willing to struggle for? Let me know in the comments below.

Here is the link to the article that inspired this blog post. And here is more information on Mark Manson.

How Do You Clear You Head?

We all know the feeling.

You lie in bed, slowly awakening, open your eyes, and either the sunlight or the alarm clock is glowing too brightly. As soon as your mind wakes up, BOOM the clutter of life hits you. 

Random to-do list items, things to tell people, messages you need to send, oh yea, and don't forget to brush your teeth this morning. Things that have been in the back of your mind for days - all hit you at once. And you suddenly find yourself staring into the deep abyss of a cluttered mind.

I know for me this absolutely ruins my day. I'm scatterbrained. Tired. Unable to focus on any one thing. As soon as I start one task, another interrupts and on goes my day.

Unless....

Unless I actively choose one of my "clear my head" activities.

What are these?

These are the activities you consciously choose to do when your brain feels like a cluttered back closet, to refocus and clear your mind, so you can tackle the many things life throws at you.

Why do I say consciously?

I say consciously because many times when you are overwhelmed, stressed and tired you feel like your 'clear my head' activity is the absolutely last thing you should be doing because you have so many other things to be focusing on instead.

However, if you understand yourself well enough, you know that this activity will only make things better and not worse.

So why am I writing about this now?

Because this happened to me today.

I went to sleep last night with plans for a wonderfully productive day. Then when I awoke everything started going wrong and within an hour I froze up due to feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed.

I let myself stay in this state up until lunch. But after lunch I knew what I had to do. 

It pushed against everything I was feeling. It didn't seem important enough. Yet I have learned from experience that when I just can't do life anymore my coping mechanism is RUNNING.

Yes running. For some reason whether I have a good run or not (and trust me the one I just returned from was NOT a good run - going, stopping, distracted, etc...) it still helps me to clear my head, focus and when I return, get down to the grind.

Which is why I find myself writing this post now. All in 15 minutes.

I want to encourage each of you to figure out what it is you need in order to clear your head.

You may find you have multiple activities that clear your head and thats great! For me its getting outside and exercise.

Ultimately its important to understand this so when we experience a cluttered day like the one I just described we have a coping mechanism.

So as I asked above, how do you clear your head?

And - if you've figured out some amazing trick or even normal mundane method please add it to the comments below. I would love to see what others are up too and you never know - it may even give a few of us some ideas.